She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
