I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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