I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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