based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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