If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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