LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
