Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm really busy with my period
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