you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
