Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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