nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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