Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
