Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
