i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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