The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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