i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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