Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
