She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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