I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
lying in bed pretending to be a slug