i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat