having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
