at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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