I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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