Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
