Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
