You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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