she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
