Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
