I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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