there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
