yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
