READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
