I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
