I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
