hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
