your room smells of hookers.
And success
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
