Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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