I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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