this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
