Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
