the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
