My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
