After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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