u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
