You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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