So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
