But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
