erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
