made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
