Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
