wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
