What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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