I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
420 ftw
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
