Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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