my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
