im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
