Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
