I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
