Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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