So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
