did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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