So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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