i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
