3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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