i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize