every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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