walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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