The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
