hotel room ftw
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
